Nightmare Inside

 

There was a vague image in front of me. I couldn't see what it was, but I knew this was not my first time seeing it. It kind of gave me that feeling of nostalgia, that feeling of Deja Vu. It was a long, blurry image that I couldn't even be sure of what it was...

“...Hey, did you hear me?”

“Huh?”

I looked around my surroundings, I was at the laundry with Seva, just like we had planned to. I was kind of spacing out since I had nothing better to do, but it seems that I was too distracted to hear what Seva had said.

"Were you even listening to me? You were looking in this direction so I thought..."

"...Sorry. Guess I am a little tired."

Seva gave out a sigh, as she put her arms to support her chin, placing her elbow on her knees.

"It will be noon by the time we get out of here..."

Seva said, with a weary voice.

"There is nothing we can do about it though, right?"

I said as I was smiling awkwardly. But it got me a little embarrassed so I shut my mouth, trying to hide it.

Seva and I were sitting on a tabouret, but we both were tired and bored. Even though it was still afternoon, I felt like I could sleep on the spot.

"I mean, what are the odds of the whole electricity of the city going off just when we got here?"

Seva seemed angrier than I was though, she didn’t seem like a person who would lose their cool fast, but I guess everyone has something they get easily frustrated of.

"...Well, we will just have to wait for a little more, right? They said it would be fixed soon, after all."

"It's been half an hour since they said that... and not like the owners of laundry would fix that kind of thing. They were just making assumptions."

As I had nothing else to say, I sighed and slumped, putting my back on one of the washing machines. I wanted to talk about something, but we still didn’t know much about each other, and I had trouble opening up a conversation.

"By the way... Now that I think about it, you never told me about your family, did you?"

“...Is that really important right now?”

"No, but... You know, I just wonder. A lot of things. Like, I don’t know anything about you. Neither your family nor how you met that Barder guy."

Seva looked into my eyes, as she seemed like she was checking me.

“You seem like you’re trying to get to know me rather than getting information. Not that it’s a problem or anything.”

Seva said, jokingly.

“Hey...”

She giggled, as I answered with a pout on my face.

“Well anyway, I guess I can give you a little explanation at least.”

Seva said, even though she didn’t answer instantly. She stayed silent for a couple of seconds before talking. It was a bit awkward as she seemed like she was thinking about something. Almost as if she forgot that I was here, sitting next to her.

And then, she broke the silence again.

"You see, my family wasn't that different from any other until 2 years ago. Before that, there was me, my mother, my father, and my elder sister."

"Oh did something...?"

Seva looked at me with an angry look on her face, most likely because I interrupted her.

“2 years ago, one day, my sister ran out of home. She and my mother had a huge fight about her wanting to travel abroad, which my mother rejected. My sister seemed pretty devastated after not getting what she wanted. I don’t know exactly why but, I think it meant a whole lot for her.”

“Still, was it even worth running away? Just because of that?”

“Beats me. I don’t know her circumstances for that but, it seems like it was enough for her.”

“...Must be hard.”

I replied, out of pity. But Seva completely ignored my answer, as she continued to tell me her story.

“And after a year, my mother and father divorced because of the conflict. My dad couldn't forgive my mother and blamed my sister's escape on her. Though I think my mother thought the same way as my father did, I guess not having heard about her daughter for so long troubled him more than it did to my mother. Now I live with her alone but her mental state hasn't been the best since that day. Still, she is recovering from that now. I can’t say if she will be able to become the same person again, but neither will I. Hence, the reason I can’t put any blame on her. I believe it was my sister’s fault for acting in such an irresponsible way. I know how pressured she felt, how our parents put so much on her shoulders, but still... I can’t forgive her that easily.”

Finally finishing her story, Seva looked at the floor, lost in thoughts. She stayed silent as if her mind was somewhere else.

“You’ve gone through a lot huh... Should I never have asked?”

Seva gave out a sigh and turned her face towards me. There was a kind expression on her face, as elegant and as beautiful as an angel's.

“You don't have to worry about it. It wasn't the best of times, but it has been long since then.”

“You’re strong, Seva.”

She giggled as she replied.

“That’s not true at all, believe me. I may look like that from the outside, but it only takes a touch for my heart to shatter into pieces. Oh also, about Barder... He financially supported me when my parents divorced back then. I was in my last year at high school, so I needed the money to afford to go to a university. He was an old friend of my dad, so he was willing to support me, even though he never said anything about that to my dad. I guess he thought about it as covering his friend's mistake of leaving his family or something. In exchange, I helped him when he needed me. So you can say that we are in debt with each other now."

She helped him...? I can't think of something she could've helped him with but...

"Ah..."

"Hmm? What happened?"

I pointed at the washing machine, which its light was turned up now. I stood up from my chair and went inside as soon as I realized it.

"The lights are on!"

I shouted, in excitement.

"Wait, the laundry is finished? Since when did we...?"

Seva seemed shocked, even more than I did.

“It seems like we talked for a bit too long...”

I said, before continuing again.

"Well... Look at the bright side of the things, now we can just get our stuff and go back, right?"

Seva gave out a sigh, she seemed annoyed. I didn't understand exactly why, but maybe because it was already pretty late by now. Wait, now that I mention it... What time is it? I looked at the clock hanging on the wall out of curiosity.

"20:17? It's almost nighttime?!"

“What? Are you sure that the watch is not broken or something? What was even the time when we first got here?”

I was just as shocked as Seva was. After all, the only thing we did was talk for a bit. Still unsure, to check it out, I went outside to see it myself.

Yet the answer I got didn’t change.

"The sun is about to set..."

I said, in disbelief.

"Seriously, it's because you took way too long to dress up back in the bar. Now I feel like we have no time left for anything else today."

Seva seemed quite upset about the outcome as if it mattered severely to her. Did she have some other plans for today perhaps?

"Uh, I am sorry if I forced you to stay with me... Even though you helped me so much..."

Just when I finished my sentence, her whole attitude changed for a second. She had a serious look on her face, it almost made me get scared a little. Have I said anything wrong, I wondered.

"Hey... When I think about it, I never asked your name did I?"

Just then, she changed the subject instantly out of nowhere. As if her anger vanished in a second, her expression changed into a natural one.

"Huh? Where did that come from?"

"I know I said that you shouldn't use your real name but... You still need a nickname at least."

A nickname?

“Sorry but... I never even gave it a thought until now. I have no idea what it should be...”

"It’s okay, I didn’t expect you to. But well, if you are concerned about it, I can pick one for you. If you are okay with it that is."

Well, it's not like I would think of anything good but... Is it okay like this? I mean, isn’t this supposed to be something I will be using a lot from now on? I guess I don’t know what the future may be holding, but still...

"It was just a suggestion, you know? You can deny it if you want to."

"Then... I will choose it by myself..."

I said, even if I didn’t have anything in mind. A nickname huh? I never thought about it before, but it shouldn't be that hard, right?

"Hmm... What about Black Claw?"

"But wouldn't that be a little too long? Or well, how about Claw itself?"

Claw, huh?

"It sounds good to me. Simple and remarkable."

"Well, why would you choose such a name in the first place though? Does it have any kind of background?"

I wasn't expecting this question. Rather, I think I should've. It's way too obvious that she would ask about it.

"That’s..."

After waiting a bit for me to continue, Seva gave up and intervened.

"I won't force you on telling anything you don't want to. I wouldn’t mind if you kept some secrets for yourself."

"Thanks, that means a lot... By the way, why did you ask for my name in the first place?"

Seva got out of the laundry, as I followed her from behind.

"You know, we might not stick around too much from now on since you have your place to live now but... I thought that I needed to know what and why you did the... Well, whatever it is. But since you don't seem ready to talk about that yet, I won't insist and ask about it."

But what does it have to do with my name? Rather, did she want to know about me as a whole? Would setting a nickname even help with that? But even if it did, why would she want that anyway? It's not like it has been much since we met... No, maybe that's the reason, you wouldn't want to learn about someone you already know after all...

"Well, we’ll be departing from here. You can go inside by yourself, you don't have to worry about Barder so be at rest. You remember where the bar was, right?"

"Huh? Uh, I think so?"

I was looking around myself, distracted. We were near the clothes store Seva bought me stuff before. The alley was just around the corner, so it wouldn't be hard for me to go in but... I honestly didn't want her to go. I didn't want to be alone right now. I have no one else in the first place, but... It would be just way too much to ask this from her.

"What happened?"

"Ah, it's nothing to worry about. Goodbye then, I wouldn't want to keep you waiting."

I said, even though I felt no consent in my words.

"...Okay then, see you tomorrow. I will be back to check on you at least once a week so tell me if something happens okay?"

I don't know what she meant by "something" but I am happy that I can meet with her at least that much.

"Okay. See you!"

And just like that, she turned her back on me and walked in the opposite direction of the alley.

With nothing to do more, I walked into the empty alley. I was in front of the bar's door but I stopped myself from getting in. I was nervous since this would be the first time I would be alone with Barder, without Seva. I didn't know what kind of a person he was and that kind of gave me an uneasy feeling. But still, it was not like I would be able to spend the night outdoors so...

With doubts in my head, I slowly opened the door.

"...?"

I looked around the building, it was empty. Barder wasn't here.

"Maybe he closed the shop...?"

Either way, I was relieved. I didn't know if it was right for me to feel this way though... Since he is technically still helping me by letting me stay here.

”Hah I feel so tired... Well, I don't have anything better to do, so I guess I can go to sleep.”

With that on my mind, I climbed upstairs to go to my bed. I still thought that Barder might be in here, but I was wrong about that too, as he wasn't upstairs either. I entered the room and looked at the clock hanging on the wall, it was 20:57. Well, I wasn't the type that would sleep this early, but it wouldn't hurt to try doing so.

Lying on my new bed, I looked at the ceiling, it was a little dirty. How can one even get the ceiling dirty, I asked myself, chuckling. When I think about it, is this bed never used before? It didn't look like the best one when I first saw it, but it's pretty comfortable now that I am lying on it. It was neither too soft nor too hard, perfectly balanced.

"...I don't wanna wake up."

I said, looking at the slightly opened window. The gentle breeze coming from outside was telling me to continue to lie down on my comfy bed. It was already cold outside, while my warm bed felt much more desirable than the chilly streets.

I gave out a sigh as I woke up from the bed. I slept with freshly cleaned clothes that we used laundry for yesterday. It was a simple black t-shirt with a little too long sleeves and brown pants. I am lucky that it was something that wouldn't leave a trace of blood I wore. Though I wonder if it was the right thing to clean bloody clothes in an open laundry...?

"Well, thinking about it now wouldn't help anyway."

I picked up the new clothes Seva bought me yesterday from the wardrobe. After I got dressed, I quickly checked the downstairs if Barder came back here, but the main room was empty. Without having anything to do inside, I left this strange bar. I was planning to go to a supermarket for breakfast with the money Seva put on my bedside table, but then...

"Why are you here?"

A guy was in front of me, blocking out my way. He asked me why I was there...? How was I even supposed to answer that, I didn't know. But the guy looked... threatening. He was a basic-looking guy with short black hair and brown eyes. He wore a black leather coat with a white shirt inside it, and the same black-colored pants beneath it.

"I-I stayed here for the night..."

"Stayed here? Are you trying to fool me? This is nowhere to stay, lady."

He had a deep voice that gave me the chills when I heard it. What's up with this guy? I thought to myself. I didn't even do anything to him, yet he seems so intimidating. I wish I could say this to his face, but my anti-sociality caught up with me still.

"Well, either way, you already saw me. Do you have anything to say about that?"

"Anything to say...? About what?"

"...You don't know who am I? Are you even familiar with here?"

What? Why would I even know him? Is he a celebrity I don't know or something? Or did I even meet him before?

"Sorry, I don't know..."

"And yet you still are here..."

Suddenly, the look on the guy's face looked much more serious. Just then I noticed that he was holding something in his hand... It was a pocket knife. It was small but it looked just as deadly.

"W-what are you...?"

Suddenly, the guy rushed the knife towards me. I reflexively closed my eyes but... Nothing happened. It already has been a couple of seconds but I still felt nothing. Not being able to hold back anymore, I opened my eyes out of curiosity. And the one standing in front of me was... Seva. She forcefully grabbed the guy's arm, stopping him from stabbing the knife at me. Was she the one who saved me...? Well, she said she would be here sometime but...

"Stop it, Clay. It's not an outsider."

“She is not? How the heck I do not know about her then?”

“Clay. Stop.”

Seva and the guy exchanged a long lasted glance before he finally broke the silence.

"...Got it, got it. Stop using my real name in front of others."

Clay...? So this guy is someone Seva knows...? Then what's the deal with him? Why would he even try to...

"I came here to check on her. Barder should be here in minutes so you can wait for a little inside."

Just then, Seva let the guy's arm off as he started to speak again.

"Wait, the Bar is open when Barder is not here?! But why?"

"I... told you right...? I stayed here for the night..."

Now the guy, which Seva called Clay, was looking at me with a shocked face. It was a mix of surprise and anger. I guess he didn't think I was telling him the truth... Just then Seva cut his surprise.

"Either way, just get in for now. I can explain everything to you inside."

Said Seva, opening the door in front of her.

It had been several minutes since we get in, but no one even said a thing yet. Everyone already took a seat besides Seva, she was standing where Barder stood originally. The mood was kinda awkward, we both didn't know about each other, and he didn't seem like he wanted to talk either. Seva, on the other hand, didn't pay much attention to us, while she was washing the dishes.

Clay seemed uncomfortable, he was directly avoiding eye contact with me. I wanted to break the silence a couple of times, but it was just too hard to say anything in this kind of situation for me.

"Take it."

Said Seva, putting a plate of cooked beans on the table.

"It's not much of a breakfast but... You must be hungry. It's already noon after all..."

"Thanks..."

I couldn't say anything more, due to the situation we were in right now. Well, thinking about it now, I was really hungry at this point. I haven't eaten anything yesterday too, so it wasn't a surprise.

Just when I was going to start eating, the door opened suddenly. It was Barder who got in.

"Oh? I am surprised you are here at this hour Clay. I expected you to come at night since we promised to meet you at 9 PM."

"I had an urgent matter to talk about but..."

"Ah, I see. Well, come with me for a second. It would be rude to talk about that kind of thing in front of a newcomer."

Newcomer? Just what did I get myself into? It kind of makes me worry to think about these things but... Isn't that really problematic?

"Newcomer? Don't treat her like she is one of us, Barder. You can't be thinking about letting her join us, can you?"

"Well, that would be Seva's choice. It's not like I am the one who wanted to bring her here anyways."

"Seva?! You are the one who brought her here?!"

Oh well, it seems like I started a whole fight just because I was standing here. But why? Why didn't Seva say anything about the others to me? If she wanted to help me by letting me stay here, wouldn't she simply talk to me about here? Maybe she forgot? Maybe she was just too busy? Or perhaps... I was too naive to think she did all this to me without anything to expect from me...?

"You don't have to worry about anything Clay. I don't plan on making her stay here until the rest of her life, I just wanted to give her a place to stay until I found her somewhere another."

"You just wanted to give her a place to stay? Do you think this place is a hotel or something?!"

"It's none of your business. I am the one who lets you get in here in the first place, and Barder doesn't mind what I did too. Why are you even still angry?"

The conversation seemed like it was heating up but... I still couldn't open my mouth. What could I even say, when I was the reason they were fighting in the first place...

Suddenly, Clay stood up violently, as he made the chair he was sitting on fall.

"It’s just...! I-I am leaving. I will come back later."

"Hmph."

Was this okay? Was there anything I could do? I didn't know. But it was too late to intervene. And in the end, we were left in a broken mood, not being able to talk or do anything at all.

After I ate my breakfast, I got out of the bar. I didn't have anything on my mind, I was just walking around. I didn't know what should I be doing. I was given nothing to work on, no goals or motivation. I had no reason to do anything at all. Just then, I saw the clothes store Seva bought my clothes. I was curious about it but...

"Toys...?"

It was just a clothes store yesterday... When did it turn into a children's toys shop? How could they even change the signs in such a short amount of time? Confused, I rushed inside the store. There was a cashier just next to the door, standing. I quickly got near her, I needed answers.

"Umm... Do you mind if I ask you about something?"

I felt so awkward as I started to realise how weird this situation was. I came out of nowhere demanding answers, probably making her feel uncomfortable.

"Hmm? Of course, I am here for that kind of thing."

Still, it was like she didn’t mind that at all. Although... What was this look on her face, she seemed... Different? She was just a normal person from the outside but... Her eyes, the look on her face... It just seemed off. I saw no emotion or even life in her eyes. She just seemed like a zombie to me. Something about her was making me uncomfortable...

"Umm... Do you know about the clothes store? I mean, the one which was here just yesterday?"

"Yesterday? Sorry but I don't know about such a place... Maybe it's around the street? I am not a commoner of this city so I can't tell..."

"Ah, I understand. Thanks anyway..."

Was I just confusing something? I knew this store for a long time... But then again, it has been a while since I got out of my room and might’ve forgotten some things about the city... But what about Seva then? Didn’t she buy the clothes from here? Still—

Just when I was about to leave the store, the woman grabbed my hand forcefully. As I was surprised, I tried to make her let go, but then I realized that her eyes changed suddenly. They were looking much more serious, rather scary.

"Listen to me, you need to get out of this town. It's not the safest place to stay in in the first place but now is even worse. Soon there will be a huge conflict with the other countries."

"A conflict with the other countries? What are you talking about?"

The woman seemed surprised, but I didn't know why. Was the thing she said that obvious? I mean, there always were minor conflicts within the island but... How does she expect me to know such a thing? Seriously, were the things that bad now? I have never been keen on politics or news regarding the island, yet I think I would be knowing such a major threat. But if so... Shouldn't I be leaving this city? Though even if I wanted that, I have no money to do so. Let alone finding somewhere other to live, I don't even have the money to travel. I don't even live in my place, nor can I leave without talking to Seva...

"Hey, haven't you heard about the news perhaps? Last day the NLO rebelled against its allies... And even in here, there are so many gangs going around... Believe me, I am telling these for your own good."

What's up with this woman? She seems a completely different person than she was just a minute ago. And why would she suddenly care about me, even though I have just met her? Regardless, it made me feel weird. I made her let my hand go, and get out of the store. What was going on? It has been only six months since I closed myself in, and yet everything seems changed... But most importantly, rebellion in various countries? That's completely another level of danger. It has been more than a decade since there was any terror or war on this island, and suddenly there are gangs and rebellions here out of all places? This just didn't make sense to me.

"Seriously..."

I got out of the bar to empty my mind, but it made the complete opposite. I was even more into thoughts than I already was. Finally getting bored of walking in the streets, I decided to go back to the bar—

Just then, I heard something like an explosion. Wait, explosion? Where did that even come from?! But before I could find out, there was another one of them.

Screams, crying for help... What was this crisis?

"What the..."

Suddenly, I heard someone's call from afar. It was a familiar voice, but it sounded somehow... worried?

"Look out!"

But it was too late. A second after, everything turned black. I no longer felt my body, nor could see anything. It wasn't much after that I finally lost my consciousness...