Cannibal

 

My heart was pounding fast as I was holding the thing in front of me. My breath was unstable and I was getting more and more eager. In no time, the thing started to get wet with blood, but I didn't mind at all. At that moment, it only felt natural. Though it didn't take too much time for me to realize the water dropping on the ground. I felt my cheeks were getting colder as they got wet. I looked in front of myself, trying to comprehend what I have been doing this whole time. There were them, lying on the ground. People that once I called "family". Their bodies were lying on the blood-covered ground. They have been dead since a while ago. Looking at my hands, I realized how my nails were sharp, just like a panther's. Even though I never used makeup, they were black for some reason. My teeth were as sharp as a knife, shaped like a row of small triangles.

“…Ah...”

No. I am not the one. I haven't done this. I couldn't have. On the verge of going insane, these were the thoughts in my mind. But the blood on my hands, on my clothes, all over the room. It was obvious what happened here. Desperately trying to refuse the reality, I asked a question to myself...

“How... did this happen...?”

Leaving the house I was in before, I have finally calmed down. At least my body did. My nails and tooth turned into their original state again, but my whole body was still covered in blood. I can't go out like this, I told to myself. So I climbed to the roof, which was high enough that nobody could've seen me there. Normally, it would've been impossible for me to do that, but I already knew a secret passage through there. We lived on the 3rd floor of an apartment that had 9 more floors in it, but the upper floors couldn't have been bought because of the fire incident that had taken place a year ago. The old owner of the house had already found a new place to live, so they haven't tried to fix it. The owner of the apartment, however, tried to rebuild those floors but had given up because of the weird mutation that was going around at that time. The prices and the tax rates started to rise even for the main things like food, and the support from the government was getting less and less helpful. At the end of the crisis, which merely took six months, the society we knew had greatly changed with the newfound power of the humans that they have gained. I was 17 back then, but looking back now, everything feels like it happened a decade ago. While the mutation was still going around, people were appearing with different specialties, which was on the smaller part of humanity. It was almost like magic, or maybe it was. When I discovered my specialty a year ago, I was shocked that I was in the minority that had cool specialties. How naive I was? Look at me now, I couldn't even stop my urges directed at my own family. I tried to wipe my tears with the sleeves of my dress, but I just couldn't stop crying. Witnessing my family die in front of me, moreover, I was the one who did it? How could I just accept this truth...?

It was already nighttime when I finally stopped crying. My eyes were sore, and I was feeling kind of sick. I was getting tired, so I wanted to find a place to sleep for now. My house was no good. If someone found me out with the corpses there, without any doubt, I would be in jail. Though maybe that would be for the best...? No, no I couldn't do that. I still can't bring myself to bow down to such a cruel government. With my speciality too, they definitely wouldn't let me stay in "prison"... Besides that, I also didn't want to spend the night with them like this... Thinking about it now, there was a spot that was still usable on the top floor of the apartment. It wasn't much, but there was a couch that I could use to sleep in. I heard this from the owner of the apartment when he was talking with my parents a year ago. The rest of the rooms were already burnt down, but I still could use the living room which was useable enough. The entrance to the room was blocked because of the melted lock, but it wasn't too hard to enter with my claws through the window. I could at least use my powers for that...

Just like that, I spent the night on top of the building where I killed my own family. I just couldn't ignore this fact, but I still tried to get over it.

When I woke up, it was 8 in the morning. Trying not to think about the fact that now I didn't have a home to go to, I got out of the building with a blanket on me, trying to cover the bloodstains on my dress. I was planning to get some clothes to wear, so I had to go out. I could've gone and got some clothes from my wardrobe, but I didn't want to risk being caught while at it. So I decided to buy new ones using this blanket to cover myself.

It was a little hard to move in this state, but I couldn't think of anything else either. The city was quite lively today, but it didn't help with my current mood. Cautiously walking on the sidewalk, I was trying not to get people's attention. There was a store I could get something to wear near the apartment, so I was going there.

Just when I was close to a clothes store, I spotted a girl with snow-white hair and brown eyes. She wore a white dress, covering her entire body beside her shoulders and feet. It was a simple dress with no other designs on it, but it still looked beautiful on her. Her hair was shoulder-length and straight. She seemed so... Pure. She had a charm that you would wanna protect her no matter what. That girl was in front of me, looking directly at my eyes.

This was no good.

“Are you hurt?”

She asked. A little surprised, I looked at the girl with a questioning expression.

“I can smell it. The blood on you.”

I felt chills going down my spine as I heard these words. How could've she known? She could smell? There is no way that could be true. But wait, if that's really the case... Then, did she... Had a specialty just like me...? No, thinking about it was useless, I have to avoid this worst-case scenario, I told to myself.

“A-ah, no... It's nothing.”

I was panicking but tried to stay calm. If she were to understand what I did, then...

Yet, the girl didn't seem like she was satisfied with my answer.

“Why are you hesitating...?”

“Hesitating? No... I-”

She let out a sigh, as she blinked her eyes.

"Okay, okay. I won't question you any further if you don't want me to. I just thought that I might be able to help you but... It doesn't matter if you are not hurt."

She turned around as she said these words. So she was worried about me...?

“Somehow... Thanks.”

She suddenly stopped when she heard my words, she seemed a little surprised.

"Hey... It's not your own blood that is on you, right? That's why you wear a blanket I suppose."

How did she...

"I-It's not what you think!"

The girl turned to me again, with a skeptical look on her face.

"Really? Well, like I said. I don't need to hear it. I am not a police or a hero. I don't care what you have done. As long as you don’t get yourself in trouble again, that is."

Is she thinking about me in this situation? Or did she mean that I must not hurt anyone again? Regardless, she knew that I might be into something. Even if it wasn't on purpose, what I had done wouldn’t change... It doesn't matter that much, I guess. It's my fault what happened either way. On purpose or not, I killed my family. It was my fault...

"My fault..."

"Hmm...?"

It's my fault... I couldn't control myself... Why... Why...? No, I wouldn't be able to. I couldn't just hold it in, right? It is his fault for not listening to me in the first place! I was fine, alone in that room, but he just had to barge in! Still... he just wanted to help me. Am I at fault for not telling him anything? I-

"Hey, are you really okay?"

Only then, I had realised the cold sweat going down my face. I could hear my irregular heartbeats, as my breathing got unstable too.

"I-I..."

I looked at my surroundings, as people were staring at me. No, please don't. Don't look at me with those eyes.

"Hey!? Can you hear me?"

Letting out a sigh, the girl suddenly grabbed my arm and dragged me into somewhere that seemed like a side street. It was just next to the clothes store I was supposed to go to. She took off the blanket I put on me, uncovering the blood-stained clothes I had.

"As I expected, this is not your blood. Your clothes don't seem to have even a scratch on them."

I didn't know what to say. Rather, what could even be said in such a situation?

"I am sorry. I am sorry... I am..."

“It doesn’t matter if you’re sorry or not, what’s done is done.”

Her words were sharp as a knife, not because of how harsh they were, but because it was the truth.

"Wait here for a little. I will get some clean clothes for you to wear."

“No, I can’t accept such-”

But before I could finish my sentence, she intervened.

“You can’t stay in that state either, can you? Even if you’re planning on buying them yourself, you can’t get in the store like this.”

“But-”

“But?”

I was speechless, there was no further need to argue. I didn’t like the idea of getting such help from someone I didn’t even know, but there was nothing else I could do. Besides, she was right at what she said.

“Don’t worry, I will be back in a couple of minutes.”

And just like that, she had left my side.

I was confused and couldn't understand the actions of this girl. She didn't have much reaction to the blood on me. Moreover, she wanted to bring the clothes for me? I just couldn't understand.

Since the girl took off my blanket, I couldn't get out of this side street without people noticing me. I was kind of forced to stay here, but I didn't have a complaint since I was busy thinking about things anyways.

I didn't know what exactly this specialty of mine was. When it was activated, my nails would turn into something like a wild animal's. It would get sharper and its colour would turn into black somehow. My teeth were the same, except that they would retain their colour. I could even break bones with them when it happened. Weirdly enough, my eyes would also change a little, but I couldn't understand what changed about them. This was told to me by my friends and family, but I never thought about it much since I couldn't tell the difference.

But most importantly, my specialty made me feel something a little different. Bloodlust was it, being the reason this whole scenario happen in the first place. At first, it wasn't too hard for me to hold back from that feeling. But it only grew faster, crashing my will into pieces. That's why I locked myself in my room six months ago. I still had my phone to contact people, but meeting them was impossible for me. Thinking again now, it was obvious that this wouldn’t last forever. I just didn’t know what to do, I guess. My days just passed off as I dropped the school, chatting with people on my phone. Yesterday was no different until my dad came into my room. I didn't know the reason, maybe it was an accident, maybe he had something to do... Suddenly an urge inside me has triggered and...

"D... Dad...?"

It has been some time, hasn't it... Since I last saw him. Since I last saw anyone at all...

"It's been a while hasn't it? Since we talked as a family again."

"Why would you...?"

I felt a little uncomfortable as he started to look around my room. It was dirty and everything was just disorganized. I couldn't even remember the last time I cleaned it.

"Why did you lock yourself in your room for this long? I have been wondering for a while now... You didn't even tell us anything besides that you didn't want to see us anymore. I thought that we might've hurt you in a way but... That's not the case either right?"

"T... That's... No, you shouldn't be around dad...!"

He looked a little disappointed after he heard my words. I couldn't understand why, but it didn't matter either way. He needed to get out. Now. If not, I didn't know how would I hold these feelings inside me.

"So you are still on that...? You won't even give me an answer at least?"

"Dad you... Don't understand... Please..."

Suddenly, my body started to feel hot as if I had a fever. I knew what was coming now. I tried to close my palms so I could stop my nails' growth. Clung my teeth so I could hold my feelings.

"I don't understand...? Then tell me. What is going on? Why do you hide it from me? You are my only daughter... I don't have anyone else besides your brother and you. You can't just expect me to abandon you two, can you...?"

"Haah... Haah..."

"I know you had hard times when your mother died but... I am still here to help you!"

I am... Burning... This feeling just doesn't let me rest... No... I must not... I need to hold back...

"Please! I-"

I can feel it. It's useless to try, isn't it? My whole body is screaming for it. I just... have to give in. It's the only way out.

I am sorry... It's just way too much for me to handle... I am sorry dad... I am sorry...

Maybe it wasn't my fault after all...? I never wanted this specialty. Even now, the only reason I don't feel the bloodlust is that I satisfied myself. After some time, I will feel that again for sure. Maybe I should just end my life... Isn't it the only way to be sure that I won't lose control again?

"Sorry if I made you wait."

Suddenly, the girl appeared with a bag in her hand, probably having the clothes she bought for me in them.

"Ahaha... You really have gone and bought me clothes... Why did you even bother?"

The girl answered with a puzzled look on her face as if she was not too sure herself.

"I don't like seeing people in trouble I would say. Regardless of their situation, I usually would try to help everyone, as long as they don't hurt anybody."

The girl answered as she picked up the clothes inside the bag. She wasn't even having eye contact with me as she gave them to me.

"...You said it yourself, didn't you? This blood on me isn't mine."

Even though she seemed to understand what I was implying, her impression didn’t change.

"I can say that you regret it just by looking at you. So you wouldn't do it again would you?"

...Can I promise something like that I wonder?

She handed the clothes she just got in the bag as she said that. How can she be so calm while knowing what I might’ve done, I wondered.

"Here, take this."

"I... don't have a place to go right now."

"...Aren't you being overly direct now?"

"I meant that I don't have a place to wear it."

"I can't let you live in my house but... I can give you a place to stay for now. Come with me for a second."

“Live? Wait, that’s not what I asked for.”

“But it is what you need, right?”

She replied, looking directly into my eyes.

A place to stay...? Why would she go that far for someone like me...? No, how can I even accept this in the first place? Maybe I shouldn't have opened my mouth...

But before I could react, she had already grabbed my wrist, dragging me along. As she started to walk further down the side street, I was wondering where were we going. Clueless, I had already given up on resisting her, simply accepting the kind of person she was.

Just then, we finally stopped in front of a wooden door. It seemed like a door of some kind of bar, or maybe a nightclub. At least that's what I thought when I saw the neon lights on the door.

“Hey, I know I already dragged you in here, but I am still a stranger to you. I want to know, do you want me to help you?”

Even in my current state, I couldn’t help but chuckle at those words.

“Are you really asking it just now? Isn’t it a bit too late already?”

Unexpectedly, the girl gave me a vague smile.

“Can I trust you?”

“I promise, you can. I want you to believe me, even if that might not be the most assuring thing to hear from a complete stranger.”

It certainly wasn’t, but... I had already run out of choices by now. Staying up in that old apartment would be the same as turning myself in. And with the things I had already done, I didn’t want to help the government too as another sample now. My answer was clear.

“I trust you. I trust that you won’t betray me, and keep me safe.”

“You can count on me. Now get in, I will introduce you to some relative of mine.”

She said, slowly opening the door in front of her. The door creaked as it opened, somewhy it was disturbing me.

As I just expected, the inside was built like a bar too. There were bar chairs, circle tables, and that kind of stuff. But most importantly, there was a person next to the station looking at us. He looked a little old and grumpy. He had no hair nor mustache but his body was well built, like a bodybuilder's. Also weirdly enough, even though the place seemed open at the moment, there was no one besides us. I guess it wasn’t a busy place, I thought. Regardless, this place didn't look like the place we should be in as we still weren't adults.

"Hey... Umm, sorry for asking but why did you take us here?"

I said, trying not to be loud enough to let the old guy hear me. The girl answered without looking into my eyes. She had a confident tone in her voice.

"Didn't I already tell you that I would find a place to live for you?"

Wait, does that mean she wants me to stay here? In a place like this? Let alone staying here, I don't think even being here is okay for me... Is this even legal anymore?

"What is the problem? You look uncomfortable."

Isn’t that obvious? Where even is this place? I had many questions in my head, but I was interrupted before I could ask any of them.

"Hey, how long do you plan on keep ignoring me?"

The old guy said, looking a bit upset. To be honest, I felt a little scared when I first heard that deep voice of the old guy.

"Ah, sorry Barder. How was the work yesterday?"

"There was this guy and his friends that came here. They seemed a bit young but they even gave some tips, so it wasn't all bad."

"As usual eh? Anyway, I brought a friend with me today."

They were already talking with each other, as I was still trying to comprehend the situation. Was this the person that she referred to as her relative? Then I guess I shouldn't act rude around him, I thought. I wouldn't want to give a bad first impression too, since this person might help me with where I stay in the future. The girl already had done much for me, so it was best to not cause any more trouble for them.

“A-ah, nice to meet you...”

I was trying to act nice, but I guess not socialising for half a year got me there. I was stuttering and got myself embarrassed. Even the girl stared at me with a confused look on her face. Did it really sound that awkward?

“Oh? Seems like your friend has some manners after all. And I thought she was just a... Regular, judging by her clothes.”

Clothes? What do my clothes have to do with anything?

“Did you even think that I would bring a regular here? But well, she has no place to stay you see. As you can guess too, a hotel wouldn’t be a viable option.”

Oh... Was he talking about the blood on them...?

No, forget about it. I don't wanna remember. I don't wanna think about it. Just ignore it.

“Hey, is she okay? I don't want anyone to get fainted in my store.”

“...I guess she still couldn't overcome the shock... Hey, Barder, would you let this girl stay upstairs for some time? I will try to get a new place for her later so it doesn't have to be for too long.”

Are they talking about me...? Of course, they are, who else needs a place to stay? I still can't understand a lot of things but... I should just get a rest for a while. I can't continue like this, I can't even think properly anymore. I guess I will try not to think about the incident for now...

“I already told you that she is a friend of mine, right? So I hope you don’t have any problems with the idea.”

“Well, I have no problem but... Why would you wanna help this girl?”

The old guy called “Barder”, started to look into the girl’s eyes, as tension begin to rise in the room. Will he refuse, I asked myself. But if so, I couldn't complain either. I didn't ask for this in the first place, the girl was the one who wanted to help... Maybe I could just stay at the same old apartment as I did yesterday too? Yeah, maybe I can refuse the offer before I could hear the answer.

"I-"

But before I could say anything, Barder interrupted me.

"I won't question any further if you believe her so much. I hope you won't let my hopes down."

"Thanks, Barder."

And just like that, without a disagreement, it was decided that I would stay here. I didn't know what to think at this point but... It was gone out of my control either way. I didn’t have the courage to speak up again when they just settled it down. Well, I needed to stay somewhere after all... It would be dangerous for me to stay in the apartment anyway. Yeah, maybe that's for the best. I just can't think properly still is all.

“That being decided, you should change your clothes now. You can’t go anywhere with the ones you have after all. I will lead you to your room.”

The girl said, turning her back to me. I was kind of surprised by how well it all went, but I didn’t have any complaints. I just couldn’t get why would anyone help me, especially after what I have done.

She opened the door standing at the corner of the room, which I didn't even realize was there until now. The door led to stairs both going up and down, but the girl climbed up, and I followed her there.

On the second floor, which we were on now, there was a door just next to the stairs which looked like where the girl was heading. There wasn't any other room, besides the one at the end of the hallway, so it wasn't really hard to guess. The girl opened the room and turned toward me.

"There isn't much space in here but... You don't have anything to complain about it either way, right?"

"I don't."

Just when I was about to enter the room, the girl interrupted me again.

"I don't want anything from you for the things I have done for you but... If you ever change your mind and hurt anyone again... I won't be this considerate toward you. You better know that"

I could say that she was serious just by looking at her. The way her eyes stared at mine almost scared me when I looked at them. It felt like a threat more than anything really. I always stuck with what she said, probably because I felt guilt... I felt as if I had no other choice but to do so. The events that took place yesterday were way too heavy to endure for me. Even just remembering it made me feel uncomfortable, and even unstable. I followed her because I needed her, right? But was it okay for me to believe her? She did this all for me but I still was unsure of who she really was. Was she safe to stick along with? I didn't know. But thinking now was useless. I can’t just leave now, it’s too late for regrets. If I ever found out something strange about her, I could quit and run away anytime. Anyway, I should just get changed first, maybe I can talk about things with her later...

After I closed the door, I was finally alone again. All that interaction made me quite tired, to be honest, but I couldn't just sleep on the spot either. It was still morning, but I felt so tired, even more, than I thought I could be. To pass some time, I took a glance at the room I was in. It wasn't too big, rather it was quite small, as the girl said so too. There was a simple one-person-sized bed, a closet next to it, and a window in the corner. The bed looked a little dusty, but it still was useable. The closet was a little smaller than what would I imagine, but I still could use it to store my clothes it seemed. The window was directly looking at the road, which made me a little uncomfortable but I could still live with it. Even though the place was a little dusty, it seemed livable here. After all, I couldn't ask for more from them anyways.

I looked at the mirror again just before I left the room. I already changed my clothes, but I was a little worried about the blood on me dirtying the new dress too. I didn't know if they had a shower here, but I couldn't ask it either. Thankfully, there wasn't much blood on my skin and it didn't dirty the clothes. Regardless, I needed a shower so soon.

The dress was quite simple. Redshirt with black sleeves, a black vest on top of it, and a black necktie. Also, black trousers, which were long enough to touch my foot, and the same coloured knee-high socks. Weirdly enough, all of them were fitting for me. How did she know my size, I thought to myself. Other than my clothes, I was looking a little neglected. My blond hair was looking messy, it looked like it lost some of its brightness. It probably was just me being tired, but it didn't make me feel any better to know that. My eyes were a little sore, probably because of the stress I have been feeling for a while now. They were bright yellowish-brown, my dad always said that they looked like my mother's...

"..."

I turned around from the mirror and walked towards the door. After being sure I wasn't looking weird in any sense, I opened it...

It seemed like the girl was waiting for me, as she stood next to the door.

"It took you a while didn’t it? Well, I won’t judge you for that. Anyway, would you mind if we take a little walk?"

Having no reason to refuse, I accepted the offer by nodding my head. She went down the stairs as I followed her. Ignoring the old guy watching us, she got out of this bar-like building. She finally stopped at the main street and turned towards me, getting a little closer.

"Did you bring your dirty clothes?"

"Yeah, they are in the bag... What happened all of a sudden, why did you bring me here?"

I said as I lifted the bag.

"I thought we would go to laundry since you don't have any other clothes to wear. I can also show you the way while I am at it."

Again, I was shocked by the answer. Why was she even helping me again? Not only that, she always knows what I might need. This girl was so incomprehensible that I couldn't understand anything about her. Her motives, her thoughts... They were simply beyond my understanding.

"I really can't understand you..."

"Hmm? You finally started to talk normally."

I turned my face to her, not understanding the meaning behind those words.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You were so quiet all the time that I thought you were an introvert. I mean, I also thought you may have been in shock, but..."

Well, I didn't know how much I could refuse either of them, but it didn't matter to me anyway. It probably was a consequence of staying in my room for six months, not talking with anybody face-to-face. And I wouldn’t be lying if I said I was still trying to recover from what happened yesterday.

"I wanted to ask but... How did you know my size when picking clothes?"

"I didn't know. I just picked what I thought would suit the best. They were on discount too, so..."

So it was that simple huh? Though this girl has some good eyes if she can figure the size just by looking at me...

"Ah, and one more thing."

"What is it?"

"Can I ask your name? You helped me this much and I still don't know even your name..."

"...My name huh..."

The girl stopped for a second, she seemed a little concerned. Maybe she still didn't trust me enough to tell her name?

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

The girl gave out a sigh, she seemed like she was troubled by the question.

"I have my reasons to hide my name and I suggest you do the same. I can’t explain in detail but now that you interacted with us, it would be better off that way. But it still would be a problem if you couldn't call my name when you had to tell me or something so... You can call me Seva for now. That is my codename after all."

Seva...? Never even heard of such a name...

"If there isn't anything more, let's head to the laundry."

"Seva..."

"Hmm?"

Her quiet and gentle voice was echoing in my head. And just then, suddenly, I started to feel dizzy. I put my hand on my forehead. I was about to fall, or so I thought. And again, just a second later, the feeling was gone and everything was normal again.

"What happened? You look kind of pale."

"I... don't know... I felt a headache all of a sudden."

"Maybe your body is tired because of the... Well, either way, you can stay inside if you want."

"No, I am better now. We can get going if you are ready."

Seva stopped and looked at me for a second. I could say that she was worried about me. But that expression went away too, as she confirmed that I was telling her the truth.

"Let's get going then."

She said, as she turned her back to me again and started to walk away, with a completely calm voice once again...